It's Always Been
by Magnolia Hawks
Summary: (Kiss Me Kate) A missing scene from the 1953 film. Divorced for nearly a year, Lilli must face her ex-husband - and the feelings she still has for him.


It's Always Been   
  
Based on the 1953 MGM musical Kiss Me Kate - this story has been rated PG -13 for suggestive  
  
content  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
This story is purely for the enjoyment of fans. It is not intended to infringe upon rights held by  
  
the Estate of Cole Porter or Loew's, Inc.  
  
Thank You.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thursday evening - 6:28 p.m.  
  
The large, manila envelope caught her eye the minute she stepped into her apartment. Addressed  
  
in a masculine hand that was as familiar to her as her own, it read simply : 'Miss Lilli Vanessi'.   
  
Not 'Lilli Vanessi' - or even 'Lillian Vanessi,' as he had been wont to do in the past. No sign of  
  
affection graced the severe package - but how could she expect there to be?  
  
Cautiously picking it up, Lilli rolled her eyes. The name on the return address: 'Fred Graham,'  
  
was hopelessly smudged. Fred never would learn to write without putting his hand in the wet ink.   
  
"From Mr. Callaway, Ms. Vanessi?" Suzanne, Lilli's French maid, inquired.  
  
"No, Suzanne. It's from - Mr. Graham."  
  
"Your ex-husband?"  
  
Lifting her chin, Lilli tucked the package under her arm. "Yes. My ex-husband. I'm going up to  
  
change. Let me know if Mr. Callaway calls."  
  
"Yes, mademoiselle." Suzanne's heavily accented voice faded away as Lilli climbed the stairs.   
  
Once in her room, she shut and locked the door behind her. Nonchalantly, she dropped the thick  
  
envelope on her bed and began to step out of her dress. "You can just wait a few more minutes."  
  
She said defiantly to no one in particular. "Heaven knows, you kept me waiting on more than one  
  
occasion. You know, you certainly have a nerve, writing to me now. Why now, anyway? Hm,  
  
Fred? You haven't so much as called to see how I am in months. Now - just as I get engaged -  
  
you write." She pulled on a silk robe and tied the sash tightly. "Won't you be surprised to know  
  
that I am going to be Mrs. Tex Callaway? I bet you'll be thrilled to have me out of your way."  
  
Finally finished, Lilli sat on the bed and took up the envelope, carefully opening it. Inside was a  
  
script. 'Kiss Me, Kate,' the title read. But Lilli's attention was drawn to the small note that  
  
accompanied it.   
  
'Cole Porter and I have been working on a new play - a musical version of The Taming of The  
  
Shrew. You would be perfect for the part, Lilli. Do you think we can out aside our differences to  
  
work on it together? Read the script, then call me and tell me what you think. You know the  
  
number.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Fred.'  
  
"'Sincerely, Fred.'" She repeated, her voice a whisper. "We shared a bed for six years, and now  
  
it's 'sincerely, Fred.'" Unexpected tears pricked her eyes. "I do NOT feel anything for him!  
  
He's just a person I was married to - that's all." The note trembled in her hands. Why couldn't  
  
she believe herself? Their love was gone forever - wasn't it? Sliding off her bed, Lilli padded  
  
over to her dresser and pulled open the bottom drawer. Buried beneath her winter clothes, was a  
  
silver framed photograph. Lowering herself onto the plush carpet, she tucked her feet underneath  
  
and stared hard at the black and white photo. There she was, a young bride and there was Fred,  
  
his arms around her, kissing her temple. They both looked ecstatic. She would never say it out  
  
loud, but even Tex had not made her as happy as she had been her first few years with Fred.  
  
"Ms Vanessi," Suzanne called through the door, "Mr. Callaway is on the telephone."  
  
"Coming, Suzanne." Replacing the photo, Lilli scrambled to her feet, wiping the tears from her  
  
eyes. Impulsively, she reached for Fred's note, tucking it into her pocket, before going out the  
  
door.  
  
******************************   
  
Sunday evening - 7:01 p.m.  
  
The telephone sat before her, black and shining, just as it did every day. It would a simple matter  
  
to pick it up, dial the number that had once been her own, and tell Fred she was interested in the  
  
play. So why couldn't she? "This is ridiculous!" she said with exasperation. Seizing the receiver,  
  
she dialed quickly. It rang once, twice, three times. Perhaps he was not at home? She was just  
  
about to hang up, when the confident voice of Fred Graham boomed cheerfully, "hello?"  
  
She swallowed. "Fred?"   
  
"Lilli?" He sounded shaken. "Lilli, is that you?"  
  
"Yes. How - are you, Fred."  
  
"Very well. And you?"  
  
"The same as always. I read the script and I think it's excellent. I don't see why we couldn't work  
  
together."  
  
There was a long pause, "you'll be perfect for it, Lilli. Ravishing."  
  
Lilli lifted her eyebrows, not quite believing what she heard. "Fred! You said something nice!"  
  
"Please, Lilli. I don't want to start this again. Is next Wednesday a good night for you?"  
  
"Depends. Good for what?"   
  
"To hear the score, of course. At my apartment - you know where that is, don't you?"   
  
"Don't be an ass, Fred. Of course I do."  
  
"I'll have Cole come over - say, about seven?"  
  
"A.M. or P.M. ?"  
  
You haven't lost your touch, I see. P.M., of course. Will you come?"  
  
Lilli hesitated. "Yes, I'll come."  
  
"Good." He sounded satisfied. "And, Lilli?"   
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Take care of yourself."  
  
Startled, she could not respond at first. His voice had that softness that stirred so many happy  
  
memories - and they hurt her. "Don't worry, Fred. I won't jeopardize your show."   
  
"Some things never change, eh, Lilli?" Fred said bitterly. "I'll see you Wednesday."   
  
Hanging up the phone, tears began to well up in Lilli's eyes. "Things have changed, Fred. They  
  
have."   
  
*********************************   
  
Wednesday evening - 6:25 p.m.   
  
Lilli was almost ready to leave. The black dress and hat she had chosen to wear were flattering,  
  
and the silver necklace was just right. Very striking against the dark material. It had taken her a  
  
long time to finally decide to wear it. It had been a present from Fred years ago and she had not  
  
worn it since their divorce.   
  
Draping her fur stole over her shoulders, she eyed herself in the mirror. Finished. Not if only her  
  
stomach wasn't churning. "Of all places, why our old apartment?" She dreaded seeing it again,  
  
the place where so many battles as well as so much passion had occurred between them.  
  
Moistening her lips, she started out. She would just have to learn to face her past - including  
  
Fred.  
  
****************************  
  
Wednesday evening - 8.45 p.m.  
  
Standing in the bathroom of Fred's apartment, Lilli tried to compose herself. The evening had not  
  
been quite what she expected - she had certainly not planned on meeting Fred's new girlfriend,  
  
Lois.  
  
Leaning towards the mirror, she reapplied her lipstick. In truth, though, it was Fred who was  
  
disturbing her the most. That look in his eyes whenever they rested on her - she had not seen it in  
  
so long. Even Tex never looked at her like that. Then, there was how he had taken the news of  
  
her engagement. When she told him, he had been visibly shocked - and hurt. She had seen the  
  
pain fill his eyes and seen how he desperately covered it up with a display of ego.   
  
Taking a deep breath, Lilli tried to calm herself. It was only natural that he should have been that  
  
upset - or was it? He couldn't possibly still be in love with her - could he?  
  
"Why did I ever come here?" she whispered. Her eyes trailed around the small bathroom, which  
  
looked just as it had the day she had left. She could remember exactly where she had kept every  
  
bottle of perfume, and just where she had kicked off her shoes after a long day at rehearsal.  
  
The sound of a door closing brought her back to reality. Cole had left, now she would be alone  
  
with Fred. A sensation of something akin to panic shot through her. "I'll just leave," she  
  
murmured. "I have to get up early in the morning and it's getting late."  
  
Making her way into the living room, she found Fred sitting on the couch, pensively smoking his  
  
pipe. He obviously hadn't heard her come in, his eyes were fixed on something.... Squinting in  
  
the dimly lit room, Lilli saw what it was. A photograph of them taken three years ago, in which  
  
they were holding each other tightly. She gently cleared her throat.  
  
His eyes met hers, the softness in them making her heart race. "Cole asked me to tell you  
  
goodbye. He said he has an early appointment tomorrow."  
  
"So do I, Fred. I really should -"  
  
"Have a drink with me?" he asked unexpectedly, rising and moving closer. "We haven't spoken  
  
each other in nearly a year."  
  
"You could have called any time." Her voice trembled, despite herself.   
  
"So could you." He replied quietly, gently touching her cheek.   
  
'Fred - "   
  
"I know. Hands off, hm? You're spoken for now."   
  
Lilli watched him as he poured their drinks. She should probably respond with a sharp comment,  
  
but she couldn't bring herself to it. Sitting on the couch, she simply smiled at him as she took the  
  
glass he offered. "There's nothing in it, is there?" She teased.   
  
He gave her a half-hearted smile, "only alcohol. Something I could use a great deal of, just now."   
  
Putting down her glass, Lilli took his hand. "Fred, don't do this."  
  
He looked at her gently, his thumb absently caressing the back of her hand. "Why not?"  
  
On impulse, Lilli reached out and touched his cheek. She forgot the bitterness and the hurt that  
  
was between them. Instead, she saw a man who was lonely and wouldn't even admit it to  
  
himself.   
  
Gaging her reaction, Fred placed a kiss on the palm of her hand. Lilli was stunned, but she didn't  
  
pull away. Moving still closer, his hands slid slowly up her back, and his breath warmed her  
  
cheek, causing chill bumps to break out on her skin. She was entranced. It had been so long.....  
  
His lips softly brushed the sensitive skin on her neck, over and over until she melted against him.  
  
Working his way to her mouth, he kissed her lightly. When she didn't object his mouth lingered  
  
again on hers. Finally, she gave in to him, her lips parting beneath his. He deepened the kiss, and  
  
she felt as though the whole world had dissolved into an incredible rush of heat.  
  
Sliding her hands over Fred's shoulders and around his neck, Lilli let him ease her backwards.   
  
She felt almost weak, but she didn't want it to end. Feeling him move away, she tried to pull him  
  
back. "Fred...." her voice was breathless.  
  
  
  
When he didn't respond, she opened her eyes to find the room lit brightly.  
  
"Excuse me, sir! I beg you pardon -" Paul, the British butler, was backing out quickly, looking as  
  
embarrassed as Lilli suddenly felt. Sitting up, she tried to smooth out her clothes, once again ill-  
  
at-ease.   
  
"Fred, I - I really need to go."  
  
He looked at her, almost sadly. "Yes, you'd better. Goodbye, Lilli. Sleep well," he added, taking  
  
her hand and pressing it to his lips.  
  
"Goodbye, Fred." slowly rising, she went to the door, casting once last glance back at her ex-  
  
husband. He was sitting with his elbows on his knees and his face resting in his hands.   
  
With a feeling a deep regret, Lilli quietly closed the door behind her.  
  
*******************************  
  
Thursday morning - 1:26 a.m.  
  
Even though she was safe in her own bed, staring sightlessly into the darkness of her room, Lilli  
  
was restless. Her mind kept drifting back to Fred, back to what had almost happened between  
  
them. She knew herself well enough to know that if Paul had not interrupted them, she would  
  
still be with him. Sighing, she closed her eyes. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or  
  
disappointed. She knew she should be glad to have gotten out of it - but a tiny part of her wished  
  
that she had stayed.  
  
It wouldn't do. She couldn't afford to become involved in an affair that had no chance of  
  
working. Their marriage had proved how truly incompatible they were. From now on, she would  
  
just have to keep him at a distance. "We have our separate lives, and they DON'T cross." She  
  
said, her voice sounding oddly loud in the silent room. Rolling over, she pulled a pillow into her  
  
arms and pressed it against her, realizing that determination was small consolation for emptiness.   
  
THE END 


End file.
